Out of Place, Out of Time
by dramaqueen321
Summary: Typical girl goes to Middle Earth with a bit of the Worlds of Chrestomanci thrown in for good measure. Final chapter is not written by yours truly but by The Purple God who was insane enough to finish off this crazy tale with the flair it deserved!
1. White Light

White.

White blinding light.

That's all I see.

How cliché.

Whenever anything magical – good magical, mark you – it's always white.

By why me?

And why has Prince been dragged along too?

Oh God. I am definitely dreaming.

I'M IN FREAKING MIDDLE EARTH!!!

...

I am definitely dreaming.

I must have fallen asleep over my laptop whilst petting Prince and I'm having hallucinations.

Then why does my arm hurt when I pinch it?

This is very weird.

Middle Earth is in a book.

Well, actually in about five books but that's beside the point.

Anyway, if Middle Earth is in a book then...

How the hell did I get here?!

What year is it?

What age is it for that matter?

I wonder who I'll meet?

If I manage not to get lost that is.

Where am I?

Well, I suppose I need to know what year it is...

Then I can work out where I am.

It looks like somewhere in Eregion.

Why am I here?

What is the point of sending me here?

With Prince! And my laptop!

What is going on?!

Well, I suppose I'll have to go looking.

No point in just sitting here.

All I have to do now is wake up his Highness the cat.

Wish me luck.


	2. Unbalanced Swords

Ayala stood and stretched, surveying the landscape as she did so. The land felt so familiar yet so strange – it was just like New Zealand and yet it had more of the sparkle and outlandish feel of her imaginings.

She was standing on a plain in the middle of a valley, which had swooping, cloud-touching mountains framing the land in a rough circular formation. Rather like Stonehenge, only on a massive scale. The sky was a harsh blue, the white sun high overhead. That must have been the cause of her blindness.

It was stinking hot as well.

The grass beneath her bare feet was scratchy and crisp, brown from the constant heat of the sun. Yet still upon the mountain peaks was a touch of snow, capping them like icing sugar on a cake.

Suddenly, a loud and whiny 'meow' came from behind Ayala. Prince was sitting up sphinx-like, whilst blinking blearily in the sun. He was obviously not impressed with his surroundings. Ayala rolled her eyes.

"No Prince I don't know where we are, so stop whining" she said snappily and then bent down to scratch his head.

"Of course" she said affectionately, all malice drained away. "All you wanted was a pat. Come here" Ayala cradled Prince in her arms, scratching his head as she did so.  
"I should have called you Thunder. Your purring is loud enough to be mistaken for it."

Ayala put him down and sat down beside him, opening her laptop as she did so.

"Hmm, I wonder..." she said thoughtfully, her fingers dancing across the keys. She hit the internet icon and suddenly a large notice popped up in front of her.

"Damn. I should have realised. No internet connection. Now I can't work out where I am." She scratched her head.

"Well Prince I guess we'll have to do it the old-fashioned way. Go hunting. I don't suppose you'll be any help, hmm?" She glanced back over at Prince only to see that he had gone back to sleep.

Ayala shook her head and got to her feet, cursing the fact that whoever sent her here had forgotten about shoes. And sunscreen. The sun was doing murder to her pale skin.

After what seemed like eons of just wandering around in circles, Prince yowling his head off and dropping her laptop so many times to the point that Ayala was unsure whether it would be able to work later, she finally plopped down in exhaustion back where she had started. Wishing fervently that she could be as resourceful and battle-worthy as the characters she created, she opened iTunes and turned the music up to full blast.

Ayala lay there in the sun, with Prince lying contentedly on her stomach she stared up into the wild blue yonder, pondering the events of the day. The sun was almost directly above her so Ayala estimated it was about noon. Everything was perfect.

But little frightened voices whispered in the back of her mind, laying bare her fear of what she might meet here, what she had to do in the very near future and most of all:

How was she going to get home?

Ayala had always dreamed of coming to Middle Earth, going on adventures with her favourite characters (mm, Legolas) and generally whooping it up and forgetting about the boredom and repetitiveness of life back home.

But now that she was actually here, her view was radically different.

Ah well, she thought, I'll worry about that later and she slowly drifted off, Angels by Robbie Williams fading away to nothing and the azure sky changing clothes, donning a comforting black cloak which encircled her in its protective warmth.

Next thing she knew, she could hear strange voices talking loudly around her, Prince hissing loudly in her ear and the sputter of failed mechanics.

Ayala opened an eye; and shut it again, sure that she was dreaming.

Then the events of the morning came back in a rush and Ayala opened both eyes, to find her laptop ruined, a fletched arrow sticking out of the screen with chips of metal littering the keyboard;

And a sword levelled at her throat.

"Oh Crap."


	3. Dead Men Tell No Lies

Ayala was dead. Very dead with a sword and a man in need of a shower the culprits.

Well, soon to be anyway.

Aragorn, Legolas (SQUEEE!!!) and Boromir were all standing around her looking decidedly unhappy.

Aragorn was still threatening her with his sword sticking very uncomfortably in the small of her back; Legolas had his bow drawn and loaded but held casually down by his hip, occasionally looking furtively back at the remains of her laptop which had been treated with the attitude of a bomb and subsequently left behind.

Boromir was probably the most irate of the trio as he had done the foolish thing of picking Prince up. Naturally, Prince being a temperamental cat had lashed out with his claws and Boromir has narrowly missed having his eye clawed out. Prince was now unconscious in Ayala's arms and developing a very large egg between his ears.

Ayala was not impressed. Her hands and feet had not been bound after it was discovered that she carried no weapons of any kind (apart from unusually sharp fingernails – Saruman would be proud!)

She did however knew it would be a very stupid thing to try and run away because if Aragorn or Boromir didn't catch her first, Legolas would shoot her down very quickly. And she was carrying Prince and didn't know the area.

Still, it was worth being around them simply so she could ogle.

They soon came upon the Fellowship's encampment, Ayala getting quite a few strange looks from the hobbits and Gandalf, and a suspicious one from Gimli.  
Aragorn said something in a foreign language which Ayala suddenly realised with horror that he was speaking Westron.

It wasn't English!! Her sister had lied! PJ had lied! She couldn't understand them – or anyone on Middle Earth!!!

Ayala didn't know what she was going to do.

_**Legolas POV**_

A very strange thing occurred today. Not the usual cute-hobbits-making-a-scene strangeness or seeing strange clouds in the sky (Note to self: Mention strange black cloud to someone soon) or even Gandalf doing pointy hat trick.

No, this strangeness occurred in the form of a scandalously dressed girl, with the miniature tiger and strange metal thing (not even Gimli knows what it is...) which I proudly admit I destroyed. Said girl was not happy but after Aragorn threatened her a few times with his sword, she seemed to get the message.

I was however unnerved by the strange sound she made when we were marching back to camp; it sounded awfully like a demented squirrel on miruvor. Needless to say, I found her strange noises, apparel and "companions" rather unnerving.

And the way she kept watching me...


	4. The Routines of a Batty Cat

Chapter 5 The Routines of a Batty Cat

Summer time. The best time of the year in my opinion; lots of fresh prey, hours of napping and soaking up the heat and plenty of opportunities to get the Dog into oodles of trouble! My realm is perfect...apart from the chilly breeze. Maid Ayala could you please move me somewhere warm? I am far too comfortable to move right now and cannot bear to muss my long perfect white fur.

Ahh, much better; this heat warms me nicely. Maid Ayala must have taken me outside although I do not remember her manhandling me in such a manner. These humans have such delusions of grandeur; they seem to think they may treat me like a sack of potatoes. Although Maid Ayala had better not turn up the heat otherwise I shall cook!

Uh, Maid Ayala? Didn't you hear what I just said? This is too hot, much much too hot!!!

This is a most uncomfortable doona. What on earth has Maid Ayala done to it? Really, this is sub-service, I'm telling you! A Prince's bed should not feel like itchy dry grass. What am I, a horse content to live off hay that could catch fire at any moment and ruin my perfectly groomed fur? I think not.

Now down to the important questions:

Why can't I see anything?

What just happened?

Do I have a chipped claw?

Oh goodness I do! And my fur is mussed beyond recognition.

But then how am I floating – no _swinging_? Oh dear I am confused. And being a Prince who should be in control at all times, this is a most unsettling feeling. I had better sit up; I couldn't bear to look inelegant if someone _important _happened to walk by!

Once again, the sack of potatoes routine is in full swing. I am being carried here and there whenever I can convince Maid Ayala that this is a good idea; my claws are long overdue for a pedicure and I have chipped two in the past six minutes! Two! At this rate and with Maid Ayala's hopeless sense of direction I won't have any claws!

Let me explain. It appears that myself, Maid Ayala and her stupid black box have somehow arrived in a "strange" place and we are currently walking around looking I assume for some help out of here. Of course, I, being the one with superior intellect, have recognised it as downtown 4th Avenue in the middle of nowhere. Honestly, humans cannot seem to accept the simplest of facts so hence I am being forced to run around like someone's pet donkey when I should be settling down for a pedicure and my afternoon nap.

Will get back later, have caught eyelash in bush and mascara is running.

What on earth is Maid Ayala doing? She should be attending to me, not her stupid metal box! Useless thing, I should have clawed it to death months ago. Perfect way to get the Dog in trouble too...the usual French homework though, chewing that was disgusting and very bad for my teeth! They will need to be sharpened soon...

Anyway, Maid Ayala is fiddling with the black box and is trying to connect with something called the Een-ter-nett whatever that is. Hah, it failed!

Once again I am right, just how it should be. I think I will take a nap now...

DAMN YOU BRITNEY SPEARS!!! Dratted iTunes...

_Later_

Humans I will kill them ALL!!! I SHALL UNLEASH ALL OF MY FURRED PRINCELY FURY UPON THEM AND THEY WILL BE AFRAID!!!  
THEY WILL BOW DOWN TO ME AND FALL OVER THEMSELVES TO PET ME AND MANICURE MY POOR POOR ABUSED CLAWS!!!

But until then I shall resort to throwing insults and clawing anyone who comes to near.

_Especially the buffoon who __**dared**__ give me a sock on the head! I know! Shocking isn't it!_


	5. Chapter 5 Decisions and Disturbances

Being in Middle Earth standing amongst the Fellowship seemed very surreal to Ayala. Once again she doubted her sanity but reasoned that if this was a dream, then Aragorn would be speaking English, not Westron.

"Quién eres, extraña mujer con su feroz gato? Cuál es su propósito aquí?" asked Aragorn, standing intimidating over Ayala's shaking form.

"Me Respondes!"

But Ayala could only shake her head and wring her hands, trying to make her captors understand.

"I don't speak Westron, I can only speak-" Suddenly she stopped, and remembered the Elvish she had memorised when she had been very obsessed. No harm in trying, she supposed.

"Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo. Pedich Edhellen?" she asked falteringly and with a bad accent. Legolas screwed his nose up at her poor pronunciation but was amazed this grimy _edaneth_ knew Sindarin, let alone Quenya. Gandalf on the other hand was delighted.

"Mára aurë. Tancave, ni quena Quenya. Mana ná tye esse, hina?" asked Gandalf quickly, assuming that Ayala could understand him. Yet she could only look at him in despair.

Suddenly, Ayala had an idea. She grabbed a stick, only to have Boromir's sword levelled at her throat; quickly she made writing gestures with the stick and he lifted away his sword warily, keeping it out of its scabbard just in case.

Kneeling in the dirt, Ayala wrote her elvish name: _Arasinya,_ praying the others would understand.

Aragorn knelt beside her and pointed first at her name then at her.

"Arasinya?" Ayala nodded and then pointed to him.

"Aragorn?" Aragorn's eyes widened and he nodded; then his brows rose as she named each of the Fellowship in turn. Boromir , Gimli and Legolas gripped their weapons tighter and Gandalf leant forward on his staff, his bushy brows furrowed.

This girl was dangerous; but how he was unsure.

Night fell.

Ayala and Prince were curled up underneath one of the spare blankets that Bill the Pony had been carrying, lying uncomfortably on the bare ground (Ayala and Prince, not Bill), trying to catch a few winks before the sun rose.

Prince had already drifted off, digging his claws into Ayala and the blanket, making it almost impossible for her to move. But she didn't need to move to hear what Gandalf and Aragorn were discussing, even if she couldn't understand them. The tone of their voices and their body language spoke volumes.

"Aragorn, we cannot trust her. Our quest is sacred and we must destroy the ring before Sauron gains too much power again. If we let her tag along, who knows what might go amiss. The clothes she is wearing are totally inappropriate and I am certain she cannot wield a weapon of any kind. As for her cat, that little monster almost took my eye out!" Gandalf murmured heatedly. Aragorn shushed him with a furtive glance in Ayala's direction. Ayala squeezed her eyes shut but somehow she felt that wouldn't make any difference – Gandalf knew she was awake and listening.

"I agree Gandalf we cannot trust her. Do you not remember that metal thing that Legolas destroyed? I am certain it was of hostile intent. And she is simply taking up room, eating our provisions and embarrassing us all to no end with her actions. Poor Frodo has never seen so much leg in his life! But I cannot see a way of getting rid of her without parting with necessities and perhaps even one of the Fellowship! And we cannot afford to lose any of our number, nor send her to Rivendell or any of the other villages around Eregion. It would be too risky, exposing and separating ourselves and too demanding to saddle Lord Elrond or a villager with her and her wiles." Agreed Aragorn, looking over to where Ayala lay, noticing Prince lying beside her and her eyes which fluttered imperceptibly. He frowned and turned back to the Wizard.

"Perhaps we should turn in. Things may look better in the morning. I will keep watch for the time being," said Gandalf kindly. Aragorn concurred and moved away, burrowing into his bedroll speedily to escape the chill night air.

Ayala rolled over, too disturbed by what she had sensed to hear Prince's mewls of protest. Somehow she knew her time here wasn't going to end well. And that scared her most of all.

**Spanish Translations: **

_Quién eres, extraña mujer con su feroz gato?_ = Who are you, strange woman with your fierce cat?

_Cuál es su propósito aquí_? = What is your purpose here?"

_Me Respondes_! = Answer me!"

**Elvish Translations:**

Quenya

_Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo_ = A star shines on the hour of our meeting

_Mára aurë_ = Hello

_Tancave, ni quena Quenya_ = Yes, I speak Quenya.

_Mana __ná tye esse, hina_ = What is your name, child?

Sindarin

_Pedich Edhellen_? = Do you speak Elvish?

_Arasinya_ = Ayala meaning female deer


	6. Chapter 6 He Said, She Said

The morning dawned bright and bloody, the sky tinged red and pink; a worrying omen as sailors know. The Fellowship did not seem particularly perturbed by this, Sam serving up a marvellous breakfast of bacon and taters which everyone heartily enjoyed, even Prince who had been snuck a piece of bacon by Ayala.

Legolas kept watch and Ayala made sure that she stayed close by at all times; if something dreadful is going to happen to me , I might as well stick close to my dream guy as long as possible. It's not like he notices me anyway, she thought to herself.

Legolas was of course, perfectly aware of what she was doing but was ignoring her for his own safety. He couldn't understand this strange girl, who stayed as close to him as a parasite but never approached him. Perhaps she was afraid? After all, the language barrier was difficult to overcome and he was far older than she. But then again, she avoided the others just as much as they avoided her and only seemed to come close to him. He decided to ask her why she followed him around so much.

"Arasinya?" he said softly and Ayala's head whipped around, her cheeks glowing crimson , clearly surprised he had spoken.

"Uh, Mae?" she replied shakily. Inside, she was reeling. Legolas was actually talking to her!

"Ir ceri le hebi afado nin?" asked Legolas gently, unsure if he would be understood.

Ayala only recognised two words in his question, but her fuzzy teenage mind immediately jumped to the wrong conclusions. She squealed for joy and flung her arms around him, murmuring _Rhachon le _over and over. But that was the first fatal mistake she made.

Legolas stiffened and quickly drew away, shock emanating from every pore. Ayala just looked hurt and confused. Suddenly she felt a rough hand on her shoulder swivelling her to face him.

"Ir belo le rhachon Legolas? Eithel?" demanded Aragon, menace dripping from every word. Ayala could only stutter until she burst out:

"Garich i dhôl goll o Orch!" Legolas gasped and Aragorn's face darkened.

Ayala had no idea she had just insulted both Legolas and Aragorn but she could tell when she was not wanted. Jumping to her feet, she pushed past Aragorn and ignoring Prince who was watching the confrontation sleepily, grabbed the blanket roughly, refusing to give the blanket to Sam who tugged on it firmly.

So irate from her 'unjust' treatment and lack of sleep, she harshly backhanded Sam across the face before marching away turning only scream _Tevenyel!..._before the white fletched arrow protruded out of her breast and she fell back down the side of the hill like a stone rolling down a mountain.

Everyone stood still, shocked by the turn of events, Sam still holding his red cheek where Ayala's hand print was visible. Gandalf turned to Legolas who held his now unloaded bow by his side, asking with his eyes if that was right.

"I do not regret it in the least" he said firmly and then turned and jumped back to his sentry post.

The Fellowship slowly went back to their duties, some still shaken by the turn of events. Prince was mewling pitifully by the cliff-side, ignoring the mock battles going on behind him between Boromir, Merry and Pippin. When Aragorn tried to pick him up, Prince just hissed and attempted to claw him.

"Bloody cat," he muttered under his breath and pulled out his pipe.

_**Prince POV**_

What just happened?!? One moment I am relaxed and asleep, the next I hear raised voices of the two-leggers, Maid Ayala among them and then she just disappears!

Although I do remember some feathers...

No, that couldn't be. I would've known if she was a bird. I would've smelled it. I _know_ what birds are supposed to smell like and Maid Ayala didn't fit it for sure. Admittedly, she had two legs and two 'wings' without feathers which weren't very good at getting oneself off the ground. Just good at carrying and manipulating things.

And she would've abandoned me. I'm too precious.

Grr, that pesky, smelly human is back again. How many times have I told him to leave me alone? Three I think. And he was the one who gave me that knot on the head. I shall claw his eye out – I missed last time admittedly but...I missed again.

I definitely need to work on my aim when I get-YEOUCH!!!

That oaf with the really big shiny stick just stood on my tail! How dare he! What are they all looking at anyway? Oh, it's just a bunch of birds. Honestly, I am getting quite tired of all these annoying birds coming and bothering me and Maid Ayala, wherever she is right now.

Well, those certainly are big birds and GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!!! When will he ever learn? These humans can be _so_ slow sometimes! I think I will take a nap until this all blows over...

_Later_

Yawn. What an interesting sensation. It feels like I have left my stomach behind and that I am fly – flying! Omygoodness I have been kidnapped by these dratted birds! Birds are out to get me! I only got one or two and they were old, why should I be punished now? Leave me alone you...Maid Ayala, why are you sleeping all the way down there, you have feathers, surely you can fly?

**Elvish**

_Mae = _Yes

_Ir ceri le hebi afado nin? =_ Why do you keep following me?

_Ir belo le rhachon _Legolas? = Why did you curse Legolas?

_Eithel?_ = Well?

_Tevenyel (Quenya) _= I hate you!


	7. Chapter 7 Alternate Extended Ending

The birds carried Prince over Middle Earth. He stared in wonder as they flew over those cloud-reaching mountains, from up so high here they looked like a ring of teeth. He wondered again where the birds were taking him, and was still wondering when they set him down in a small beech forest. He was in a clearing, surrounding by a ring of small beech saplings. There was a man standing in the middle of this clearing. He was…suave. It was the only way to describe him, with his slicked back black hair that didn't seem to be ruffled despite the fact that he had probably trekked for hours through his forest to reach this clearing. Surprisingly he was in his dressing gown. Prince hadn't noticed at first because it was such an exquisite navy dressing gown made of silk, printed with little orange dragons breathing fire. He motioned for Prince to come closer, and looked down his nose at him.  
"Prince!" he extended a hand like he expected the cat to actually shake it.  
" I'm Chrestomanci. It's an honour!" he continued, after Prince had stared blankly at his hand and he had withdrawn it.  
"We better be off!" He motioned at an imaginary watch on his wrist. "We're late!"  
_Late for what? _Prince wondered. But he didn't get time to find out as Chrestomanci picked him up, withdrew some dragons blood from his pocket, threw it at his slippered feet and they disappeared.

They appeared on a 21st century street in Melbourne. Or more accurately, they appeared in the middle of the road. Chrestomanci gazed in amazement at the amount of cars that were on the roadnd. They scrambled off the road and two teenage girls came up to them.  
"Chrestomanci?" asked the red-haired one.  
He nodded as if he knew who these girls were.  
The other girl, who was a brunette, raised her eyebrows and relieved him of Prince.  
"We spoke on the phone," the red-haired one explained.  
"Telephone?" asked Chrestomanci.  
The red-haired girl sighed.  
"Yes! Telephone! Now that we're all here we can begin!"  
Prince still had no idea what was happening.  
"Hello Prince!" the brunette girl spoke to him. "I'm Ella. You're going to help us with our evil plan!"  
Prince mewed.

They all walked briskly to a bank, Chrestomanci following the red-haired girl – Willow – and Ella who was still holding Prince.  
They pushed open the double doors and as soon as they were inside Ella shouted.  
"Give us the money or the cat will kill you!"  
Prince objected to being called "the cat" but as planned he hissed menacingly.  
"Wh-What do you want?" asked a young attendant.  
"We want all of The Magpie's life savings!" shouted Willow.  
The bank manager withdrew all The Magpie's savings and handed them over; they didn't want to mess with Prince.  
"Let's go, Willow,"  
Chrestomanci followed Ella and Willow out of the bank again.  
"A quick question," he asked Willow. "Why do you need me?"  
"Well…we needed you to bring Prince and to just look important."  
"Ahh," nodded Chrestomanci.

After wandering around for an hour or so they found an electrics store and bought a tracker. They tracked Maximum Ride's chip in her arm and discovered she was in Timbuktu.

Chrestomanci transported them to Timbuktu and they tracked her down to a silver birch tree.  
"MAX!!!!" Willow called up the silver birch tree.  
They managed to catch Max say.  
"Someone down there knows me, U and A guys."  
They watched as the Flock soared into the air above their heads and looked down and saw Willow and Ella. Chrestomanci had wisely turned himself invisible.  
Max descended so she was just above their heads.  
"What's it to ya?" she asked.  
Ella smirked.  
"We need Iggy and Gazzy to help us make a bomb."  
Max blinked. She blinked again.  
"You're serious?" she asked.  
Willow nodded.  
"Iggy, Gazzy, get your butts down here!" she called.  
Iggy and Gazzy divebombed down, weaving in and out of the silver birches.  
"Yah?" Iggy asked, hovering in front of Willow and Ella.  
"These kids want your help to make a bomb. Though may I ask why?"  
"We want to blow up Middle Earth," they responded in unison.  
Max and Iggy laughed. Gazzy just looked confused.

They spent ages on the bomb. Perfecting it until it was perfect (no freaking duh)  
Chrestomanci appeared and Ella, Willow, Iggy, Gazzy and Prince were transported back to Middle Earth and back to the clearing. Chrestomanci conjured a hot-air balloon basket that Chrestomanci, Willow, Ella, Prince and the bomb got into, and Iggy and Gazzy pulled the hot air balloon basket up high into the air over Middle Earth. They gazed at the woods, the brown grass paddocks, the snow capped mountains silently for a minute before Willow chucked the bomb over the side and Chrestomanci transported them out of there but not before they saw the whole land explode in a gigantic ball of fire.


End file.
